A cool video that is informative as well as though provoking. This really puts ‘America’ in perspective in regard to certain misconceptions we may have about our ‘world position’.

America, China, did you know, Health, india, jobs, statistics Hide

You don’t wear green. You are’nt even Irish. But for some reason, you drank your liver into oblivion on St. Patrick’s Day knowing full well you had to work the next day. Well whether you’re catching this on the way out the door, sipping your beverage in the safety of your own home, or in dire need of help a.s.a.p. please for your own good, read on.

Sleep

This is the best thing you can do for yourself at the moment. Your body is being pwned by dehydration and your muscles are sore because they are full of lactic acid. Go back to sleep! (But, finish this article first.)

Water

You probably already pissed out all the water you pounded right before you passed out. Unfortunately it was all over whatever random object it was that you woke up clinging to. You really should drink more. This will help with your sore muscles, bed wetter.

Vitamin C

Just take some. Tablets, fruit, whatever.  Trust me, you lost a lot thanks to the 14 Irish Car Bombs.

No Coffee

Coffee will only dehydrate you even further. Yes, it is the sweet nectar of the gods, the brown gold, and the savior soup, but it wont help. It will not wake you up, taste good, or stay in you for very long. I cannot tell you which way it will leave.

Bread

This is a secret that not too many people know. HELLO? I think its common sense. Eat some of this before you drink your water and you’ll save yourself a few aches.

Side Note:

The medical journal BMJ has a list of hangover inducing types of alcohol in order of FuckYourDayUp, to HeyGuyNoProblem:

1. Pure ethanol
2. Vodka
3. Gin
4. White wine
5. Whisky
6. Rum
7. Red wine
8. Brandy

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Alcoholic beverage, BMJ, cure, Dehydration, hang, hangover, Health, Lactic acid, Medical journal, no coffee, Saint Patrick, sleep, vitamin c, Wine Hide

The Bong Cat does not like.

Some brain-dead ‘lolcat’ fanatic has taken it a little too far. 20-year-old Acea Schomaker has created a bong that houses his kitten. The Nebraska deputies did not take kindly to smoking marijuana out of the bong while the cat was still inside. Here’s the full article after the jump.

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Bong, Cannabis, does not like., Drugs, Health, Illegal, Michael Phelps, Nebraska, Recreation, The Bong Cat Hide

The Associated Press has reported that around 1:00am Powell complained of chest pain and trouble breathing. He was then rushed to the hospital where he was pronnounced dead at roughly 2:00am. It’s been discovered that he had missed a heart checkup and cardiac evaluation. Source [Billboard]

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10. Make your own hours.

I think I’ll take today off. Actually, I think I’ll take the whole week off. Fuck it, call me in a month.

9. Work in your underwear.

This can backfire. Make sure you’re contacts dont use Skype, or Camfrog.

8. No Co-workers to deal with.

Finally, I can work without worrying about how to hide all these bodies.

7. No Commute!

I live in LA. FUCK TRAFFIC.

6. You’re always precisely on time. 

Thats right. I meant to show up at 9:08am. Cock.

5. Smoke while you are doing it.

ATHF reference for the perpetually cool.

4. Take a shit in your own toilet.

Nothing like familiar porcelain on your ass-cheeks while you make poop soup.

3. Porn breaks.

Hooray for PORN! 

2. Use you own computers.

I hate working on someone else’s computer, You never know how many times they #3′d on the keyboard.

1. Be your own boss.

Hell motherfucking yes. 

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10. Ask them to finish their bite before continuing.

Always go with the simple approach first. You wind up with less body-bags, cleaner fee’s and suspicious souses. It might not be as effective, but will get the job done in most cases. 

9. Start making ‘Chomping’ noises while they are talking. 

This is a personal favorite of mine. Make sure you start right in the middle of one of their words, in between gulps of BBQ Lays. 

8. Start a printer queue with 10,000 pages of noting but: OM NOM NOM NOM.

Self-explanatory. Simple, passive, a good waste of company money.

7. Take their food and throw it away.

Why let them enjoy life while making yours shit. Take that fat fuck’s snack and pull a Kobe Bryant on their ass. Make sure you read them the nutrition facts while doing it.

6. Begin coughing exaggeratedly on them and/or their food.

Nothing ruins a mid-day snack-a-roo like an Avian Flu infected serving of lung butter from yours truly.

5. Close your eyes, and cover your ears.

This is for the passive aggressive crowd. Pussies.

4. Refer to them as Mr. Ed, and nothing else, even if their name is Ed.

For bonus points, direct them with clicks and strange horse-whisperer sounds. Use of a whip is entirely optional, but encouraged. 

3. Kick them in the balls/cunt right before they swallow.

With any luck, the inconsiderate bastard will choke to death on their lunch.

2. The silent head shake.

Nothing says “I’m disappointed in your existence” quite like the silent head shake. Simple, effective, and easy.

1. Replace potato chips with arsenic. 

Now, seriously. If the retard you’re dealing with doesn’t have enough common sense to keep their mouth shut while talking, then they probably don’t deserve to live.

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Avian influenza, Barbecue, Health, Infectious disease, Influenza, Kobe Bryant, Passive-aggressive behavior, Potato chip Hide