A video message from Anonymous to the Government of Australia regarding Internet censorship.

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Many of my friends and several of my family members are teachers. I’m sure they will get a good laugh out of this.

Hilarious School Answering Machine - Watch more Funny Videos

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This is probably the best Twilight joke picture I’ve seen so far. I had to re-post this. I found it here.

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This is why we jump out of our skin every time you tap us on the shoulder.

Now, imagine you were in deep sleep, dreaming away about apples at 3am, and I came bashing into your room and said “Sorry, but we need you to dream about bananas now.” Do you think you could go straight back to sleep in a few seconds, dream about bananas for a bit, and then jump back to your original dream about apples? No, of course not, but this is what managers expect when they throw new tasks at us while we’re busy coding the first one. When this happens we’ve lost the hours we’ve spent on the first dream, we’re completely lost for half an hour, and then we eventually manage to get into the new dream.

–How Software Developers Work

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WOMEN’S ENGLISH

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not
going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Was that the baby?= Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he
goes to sleep.
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The answer to “What’s wrong?”:
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an asshole

MEN’S ENGLISH:

“I’m hungry.” = I’m hungry.
“I’m sleepy.” = I’m sleepy.
“I’m tired.”  = I’m tired.
“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with
you.
“Can I take you out to dinner?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with
you.
“Can I call you sometime?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
“May I have this dance?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
“Nice dress!” = Nice cleavage!
“You look tense, let me give you a massage.” = I want to fondle you.
“What’s wrong?” = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of
this.
“What’s wrong?” = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma
are you going through now?
“What’s wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
“I’m bored.” = Do you want to have sex?
“I love you.” = Let’s have sex now.
“I love you, too.” = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = I liked it better before.
“Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.” = $50 and it doesn’t lookthat
much different!
“Let’s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me.
“Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
with other guys.
(while shopping) “I like that one better.” = Pick any freakin’ dress
and let’s go home!

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Awesomely well done video found at CollegeHumor. The video you helped create.

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So as some of you know, I recently bought a new mouse. So, I decided to bring my Razer Diamondback to work, seeing how I was stuck using an old MS Intellimouse Explorer 2.0. The Explorer 2.0 was great, untill the wheel started to wear out. So I visited www.razersupport.com to grab a copy of the latest drivers. To my surprise, the drivers completely nullified the functionality of the side, scroll, and middle mouse button. It was now nothing more than your standard Apple Mouse. Next logical step for any geek would be to uninstall the drivers. So re-launch the install utility expecting to see an Uninstall option pre-selected, when it proceded to re-install over the old version. I was not pleased.

After examining the forums on razersupport.com, I found this:

QUESTION
How do I uninstall the Razer Pro|Click V1.6 drivers?

SOLUTION
There are 2 methods to uninstall the drivers. Note that the below does not remove the SystemLoginItem entry in the system preference.

1. Run the uninstall.sh file that is included in the driver package.

2. Launch the Terminal Application. Copy and paste the below commands one at a time.

sudo rm -r /System/Library/Extensions/RazerPRODriver.kext

sudo rm -r “/Library/Application Support/Razer/RazerPRODaemon.app”

sudo rm -r /Library/PreferencePanes/RazerPRO.prefPane

rm -f ~/Library/Preferences/com.razer.PRO.plist

sudo rm -r /Library/Receipts/Razer\ PRO.pkg

This leads me to my next thought….

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING, RAZER?

Seriously? Do you honestly expect your everyday consumer, albeit ‘gamer’, to venture into console-land? I’m sure half of my readers will have already stopped reading this article as soon as they see, what looks to them like, alphanumeric hieroglyphics. Razer, fire everyone. Start over. Hire me! —-> dackstheninja at gmail dot com thx die.

On a side note, this was included in uninstall.sh, hidden within the contents of the installer package, however not linked to any function from what I can see. Idiots. The mouse works better without the drivers.

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Nothing. COMMENT NOW!

rant, joke, sing, whatever. I DONT CARE.

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10. Verify your problem.

Example: If you cant load the company website, check another computer. Better yet, check from your iPhone, Android, or Blackberry. Don’t assume that because the site wont load on your computer, the site is down. This is rarely the case. Admins beat their heads against desks when we’re asked to reboot an entire web server because 1 person forgot they were in “Work Offline” mode.

9. Email first, call last.

I’m 2  hours into the day, eyeballs deep in code, completely immersed in what I’m focusing on and RIIIIIIIING! My concentration is shattered by the technological shortcomings of Dwayne from HR. He needs his password reset. This however is not all he decides to tell me. He then goes on inform me that his sister’s uncle’s friend’s dog’s computer crashed the other night and would like me to tell him why. Two hours of excruciating explanation later, I whip out my magic hat, cape, and DIY Voodoo kit, and inform him that I’ll either need more information, or the blood of a sacrificed virgin goat to diagnose the problem. All he needed was a password reset, which could have been solved in seconds via email.

8. Admit Ignorance.

Nothing pisses off an IT professional more than a user who thinks they’re the hot stinkin’ shit. These are the people who insist they know everything, and will jump at the chance to try and correct you. Some people will challenge everything you say, just to split hairs so they can feel less ignorant. The simple fact is, if you dont work in IT, you probably dont know fuck-all about computers and should approach the situation as such. If you are the boss/owner, this applies especially to you. You hired these people because they are knowledgable about things you are not.

7. Respect the key holders

Without your email, network, workstation or phone, you’d be fucked. If any 1 of the aforementioned technologies goes away, so does your paycheck. IT departments work hard to keep interruptions in employee services to a minimum and if they’re doing their job, you should almost never hear from them. Many times this leads upper management to believe that the IT department is busy playing Quake all day when in actuality they’re maintaining status quo as well as holding the hands of your companies technotards.

6. Dont waste company resources.

I don’t care how hot or bangin the new Lil’ Wayne album is. If I catch you torrenting or using Limewire on my pristine, well-oiled network, I’ll format your HD at least once a week and replace all your mp3’s with goat porn.

5. Do not micro-manage us.

The way I deal with this is actually pretty simple. Everytime someone from ‘upstairs’ asks me that bullshit question “What are you working on?” I immediately start reading off lines of code to them. Then if that doesnt confuse the shit out of them, I’ll hit them with a few random computer terms about something completely unrelated to what I’m actually doing, so when(if) they actually research it, they’ll be even more confused. Misinformation is your ally.

4. Realize ‘freelance’ doesnt mean free.

If I had a nickle for every time I was asked to fix a co-worker’s personal computer, or one of their friends/relatives/spouses issues, I could probably actually afford to work for free. Many of us turned to the corporate world out of disdain for the freelancing domain. Feature creep, late payments, picky clients and generally being underapreciated are all good reasons to want a 9-5 office gig. What the bloody hell makes you think that we want to go back to that three ring circus? With that said, if you’re going to ask for our services outside of the domain of the company, you’d better be prepared to at least match our salary, if not more.

3. Check to see if its plugged in (and turned on!).

Please?

2. Take Screenshots, “I got this error” does not help.

This cracks me up. I’ll get a call or an email stating that someone “Got an error” and coincidently slammed face first into a brick wall. On that wall are painted the words OK and Cancel. Just above that is a cryptic riddle from the tiny gremlins that power your computer. This aparently comes with a nerve-agent that melts a normal user’s brain upon sight. Far be it from the user to actually read the error message, let alone hit the button clearly labled “PRINT SCREEN.”

1. Learn how to use Google.

Dont laugh! You’d be surprised how many people have no idea about the awsome power of Google. Chances are, your IT department spends at least 10% of their day on Google, googling things for your employees when they could be focusing on more important tasks. Learn how to use boolean operators and Google-specific query tricks. Become a seeker of knowledge rather than a reciever.

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